Happy New Year, 2012!

Dear 2012,

I greet you on your first day with a hope and faith that I don't think I've felt before. This doesn't mean that the sadness, hurt, and anger of all the years past has disappeared... not a chance. But you 2012, for you I feel something of an optimism.

This Lupus flare I've been experiencing lately has not shown any sign of going into remission. In fact, some days it seems to get worse. I was hospitalized more times at the end of 2011 than I had been in the last two years. But that's over now. That was 2011. I leave you in the past. And for 2012, I look into it with hope that this Lupus flare will quiet once more and I can start living again. I have faith that my kidneys will react positively to the medications I am now on and my body will stop swelling every day. I'll go back to my normal weight. I'll be able to resume my daily walks in the park with my dogs. I'll be able to resume my wifely duties. Yes, 2012... you're going to be a good year. I've started talking to the big guy again. You know that after 2008 I had little interest in prayer or God. I was so angry at Him. I chose to ignore him because of the pain I was in and that wasn't totally right. I cheated myself out of healing and I was too angry to see it. But lately I've started praying again. Really praying for myself, for my inner peace, for acceptance, for health. And it feels good. It feels right. I feel at peace when I do. 2012, I guess I've forgiven Him..not that He needs or wants my forgiveness. I'm only human.  But I needed that forgiveness. I needed it so that I could find Him again.

We all need something to believe in. If we don't believe in anything, do we exist? Physically yes, but deep down where it really matters, I think we'd be empty and apathetic and tired and bored with life. We wouldn't be real in our souls. Even atheists believe in something: That God doesn't exist. We all believe. And I believe in God, a higher power, something more powerful than me that gives me peace and I do believe I have stopped hiding from Him.

2012, you are full of possibilities, hope, excitement, opportunities! I look forward to everything you will bring. I embrace you and I embrace the life God has given me. I pray that we get closer to a cure for Lupus. I pray that you will bring great things to my family and all others. I hope that mankind will somehow learn to be less douchey and more kind. I pray that the abandoned animals of the world get to exist in heaven when their time to go comes. They deserve so much love for all the love that they give us, but sometimes people are too selfish to give them that. So I hope that they get to experience eternal love in heaven. I hope to spend more time with family, 2012. No one knows how long they'll be here on Earth. We should stop acting as if we have endless time and do and say all the things we keep putting off.

You're a historic year 2012. In particular because the Mayan calendar of time ends with you. They created a calendar that ran from their time all the way to you. No one knows why. Did they run out of room? Did the calendar maker get tired? Does the end mean that time will end? Our time? Our world? We don't know yet. It's better not to know. We shouldn't live as if we have an expiration date but we cannot live as if we're eternal. You're going to teach us a lot of things 2012. About time, beliefs, ourselves... so let's get started!

Yours,
Liliana